


The Erotic Poetry of Arda

by jcrycolr3wradc



Category: The Hobbit - All Media Types, The Lord of the Rings - All Media Types, The Silmarillion and other histories of Middle-Earth - J. R. R. Tolkien
Genre: Dirty Hobbit Limericks, Dirty Silmarillion Limericks, Dirty Talk, Dirty lord of the rings Limericks, Erotic Poetry, F/M, I'm sorry professor, M/M, Multi, Other, Poetry, Sex, not really - Freeform, sure lets go with that, what the hell am i doing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-11-21
Updated: 2013-11-22
Packaged: 2018-01-02 05:50:50
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 327
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1053247
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jcrycolr3wradc/pseuds/jcrycolr3wradc
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Limericks revolving around Gods, Elves, Men, Dwarves, and Hobbits. Everyone gets laid unless they don't.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Elves

**Author's Note:**

> I'm not sorry.

 

There once was an Elf from Rivendell  
Where there were no sluts would dwell  
So he went to Mirkwood,  
Like a horney Elf should  
That Prince could make any prick swell.

 

Fingon was a horny Elf  
who never had time for himself  
‘Fuck this!’ he cried  
as he was trampled alive  
‘At least my dick won’t need to beat itself!’

 

 

 


	2. Gods

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Even the Valar get some tail.

 

Melkor, the Lord of Angband

Constantly had two cocks in hand

Both his and Mairon’s,

who needed both hands to hang on

‘Oh Master!’ he cried, collapsing and unable to stand.

 

 

The Valar Orome was hung like a horse  
And he plowed his wife with great force  
As she screamed with great joy  
“Dear Eru! Whoa boy!”  
He just whined and continued of course

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Still not sorry


	3. Dwarves

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I found a word that rhymes with khazad-dum!

There once was a Dwarf of Khazad-dûm  
who sighed and moaned and wished for a groom  
to get into his ‘mine’  
you needed at least a nine  
So instead he just got fucked his broom.


	4. Hobbits

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Were you really expecting anything different?

There once was a Hobbit named Bilbo  
Who fancied a Dwarf ever so!  
But so small was his tool  
He could scarce screw a spool  
So to screw the Halfling was a no. 

 

It is well known Hobbits are randy  
and that a huge prick make them go bandy  
and that is why you see them  
laying with Dwarves and Men  
Because that height is just so handy!


	5. Ignore the categories, that was a dumb idea.

Fingon was handsome an elf of Beleriand  
who found most lovers to be very bland   
So out he slipped one night  
to find his coz, with hair so bright  
and let that eight footer take him in hand

 

There once was an Elf named Legolas  
Who everyone thought was a lass  
Is wasn’t because of his face,   
which was indeed an ace  
But instead it was his great elven ass. 

 

Lord Elrond’s prick was so big  
that just to lift he needed a rig  
but it was fine  
his wife didn’t mind  
That all of imladris could see his sprig


End file.
